


Shoot the moon...

by DanyT



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:34:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanyT/pseuds/DanyT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stepping out of the friend zone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shoot the moon...

It all starts with two boys. Two perfectly normal boys who did normal things, ate normal food and did all of the things that perfectly normal boys did... until something really interesting took place, one summer afternoon, amid their perfectly regular lives, in a quiet, unremarkable high school somewhere down a rather forgettable street in Tokyo...

 

The first boy, Masaki had pretty eyes-- big, expressive doe-eyes that glimmered beautifully against the sunlight, the kind that also doubled as a lethal weapon against anyone who attempted to refuse him. He had flawless, fair skin, a tiny nose and a pair of full lips that made him prettier than most of the girls in his class. Masaki seems shy and retiring; unassuming and often awkward at first, until he welcomes you into his world and drags you into all sorts of crazy misadventures that you can't help but love him for. Masaki was almost never without his friend, Jun. Jun was a ball of energy who radiated warmth through his big, bright smile-- crooked teeth and all. The boy was open and affectionate, and often had a joke or a prank up his sleeve for the next unfortunate victim. Like Masaki, Jun also looked somewhat feminine. If not for his spiky hair and his slightly wild behavior, Jun could have easily been mistaken for a girl. Masaki and Jun had started entering their teens rather clumsily; both boys all knees and elbows, awkwardly trying to fit into their bodies while they battled with the growth spurts, the body hair, and the occasional, (embarrassing) squeaks of their voices which all came with puberty.

Masaki and Jun had been the best of friends ever since they can remember. Jun's mother and Masaki's grandmother met each other in one of the public playgrounds when Masaki was five, and Jun was four. They had been meeting each other for play dates ever since. Jun started out as a quiet, little round-faced child with chubby cheeks who hid behind his mother as soon as Masaki approached. Masaki, on the other hand was a skinny, hyperactive five-year old who wasn't really looking for a playmate, but decided that the four-year old would do, because his younger brother was still too tiny to play with him. Masaki approached Jun like he did the feral cat which eventually became part of his family. Walking gingerly toward the small boy who held his mother's hand in a death grip, Masaki held out his hand and introduced himself.

"Hi. My name is Masaki," the young boy said, his smile soft and easy as he patiently waited for Jun to respond, "Can we be friends?"

After some prodding from his mother, the little boy moved cautiously near the taller boy, one hand still wrapped tightly around his mother's own...

"I-I'm Jun..." he whispered

It didn't take long before Masaki's infectious smile drew Jun out of his shell, and the youngest Matsumoto soon started taking on some of Masaki's hyperactive-ness, much to the dismay of his mother who spent a great deal of her days running after the young boy.

*****  
It was the first day of school after a long and sticky August summer that brought with it many changes, the most obvious of which was Jun's growth spurt. The chubby little boy with pinch-able cheeks had gone and was replaced by the lean, skinny teen who was nearly as tall as Masaki, and was struggling with the beginnings of a very bad skin day (of which he'll have a lot in the years to come...)  
It had been a week since Jun's 15th birthday and the tan lines from his slightly browned skin still itched and peeled while it continued to heal. Masaki hadn't fared any better and was trying, rather unsuccessfully, not to pick and scratch the irritated skin. Jun and Masaki chose seats near the back of the class and idly wondered about the new and familiar faces that they would have to get used to for the rest of the school year. In front of them was a similarly skinny kid who looked more lost and awkward than anything else. The young boy remained planted in his seat, looking anxiously at the new faces around him and fidgeting with the pages of his new notebook. Sensing that he was being watched; the boy turned and pulled off an awkward grin for his audience.

"H-hello!" the young boy managed, "I'm S-Sho. What's your name?"

"Hi, Sho!" Masaki beamed, "I'm Masaki. This is Jun. He's my best friend."

"Hi, Sho!" Jun smiled just as widely, "Are you new here? I haven't seen you around before..."

"Um, yeah..." Sho blushed, scratching his head, "We had to move because my dad got transferred...Um, i-is it okay if I asked you to be my friends?"

"Of course!" Masaki replied.

"Sure!" Jun grinned "Nice to meet you, Sho-kun. Come sit with us."

"Thank you!" the toothy boy smiled in relief, picking up his things and plopping down the vacant chair beside Jun; the first day of school feeling significantly less intimidating, thanks to his new friends.

The minutes ticked by as the trio waited for the bell to ring. Around them other intriguing things were happening-- girls, for instance, had started to develop breasts. The budding peaks which peeked slightly from under their white blouses were a source of curiosity for them and most boys their age.

"Say, do you ever wonder what it's like to have those...?" Kazunari, another of Masaki's childhood friends, quipped as he turned to face the trio, hands cupping his chest as if to mimic having a pair of his own.

"Kazu, your hands!" Masaki squeaked, blushing as he sharply slapped Kazunari's hands away, causing the other boy to grin. "You know what happened the last time Becky--"

"Yeah, yeah..." Kazunari waved his hands dismissively as he turned to grin at the new boy, "Yo."

"Hi..." Sho smiled nervously.

"I'm Kazunari. You can call me Kazu."

"My name is Sho."

"Nice to meet you."

"Kazu is our friend too" Jun added, "He lives near Masaki’s place"

“We’re practically neighbors!” Masaki grinned  
"I see..."

"So, Sho-kun," Kazunari sing-songed, "What do you think about boobs?"

"I, w-what? W-well..." Sho stammered, "Um, they're ok, I guess?"

"Do you think they're soft?"

"Kazu!" Masaki hissed as the bell rang and drowned out whatever retort Kazunari might have had...

****  
Recess came and the usual topic had been about video games, girls, and movies. Masaki, Sho, and Jun agreed that breasts were indeed a curious thing, but when the usual conversation had taken a turn to dating girls, getting girlfriends, and kissing girls, Masaki and Jun found themselves strangely lukewarm to the whole idea. Neither dared show their indifference for fear of ridicule, and had instead feigned their interest. As the day came to an end, both boys had gone home with a heavy feeling in their gut that there was something terribly wrong with them...

****

Jun lay in bed, unable to sleep as he tossed and turned, wondering why he didn't *like* girls the way that his sempai did. Jun thought long and hard about girls: Girls he liked, the ones he didn't, and the ones he might even want to kiss. He went through an exhaustive mental catalogue, trying to recall each and every girl he knew-- from childhood friends, to his classmates, to the popular models, singers and actresses that he found exceptionally attractive. As the night wore on, however, Jun began to worry that he probably didn't like girls and didn't want to have a girlfriend at all. Though he had friends who were girls, like Mao-chan and Becky, he found that as much as he enjoyed their company, the thought of kissing them, or any girl for that matter, sent unpleasant shudders down his spine.  
In the midst of his musings, Masaki's image suddenly floated in his tired mind. Idly, Jun thought he had always found Masaki beautiful, and that maybe he didn't mind kissing him one bit...

“No!” he whispered sharply, sitting up and clutching his pillow tightly; his anxiety growing tenfold and gnawing at him from within. Jun began biting his nails while the other hand busied itself with his hair, tugging unconsciously at his scalp as he lapsed into his nervous habit of pulling out individual strands of hair. Liking his best friend was out of the question. He shouldn't like Masaki that way. Not the way Tackey liked girls, not the way Kazu fantasized about putting his hands inside their shirts... No, not that way at all... It was wrong, and Masaki, for all he knew might even like Becky. As kind as Masaki was, he might start avoiding Jun if he knew... if he knew...

Jun bit his lip, massaging his temples and trying to quell the massive headache that threatened to split his skull as he tried, desperately, to stop the tears from flowing. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand losing his friends, but he was certain it would kill him if Masaki started hating him for liking him in a way he shouldn’t. A stray tear slipped from Jun’s eye as he wondered what was wrong with him and if he was ever going to be fixed.  
***

Tucked beneath a flimsy blanket, his head cradled on soft pillow, Masaki was having pleasant dreams... It was a fine spring day-- a very unusually perfect one where his sinuses didn't give him hell and he wasn't sneezing like crazy from all the pollen floating about. The sky was a cloudless blue and the sun shone brightly over the carpet of freshly cut grass that covered the garden of his favorite park. Masaki felt giddy as he walked towards their meeting place, dressed in a plaid, button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled just up to his elbows, tucked in his dark blue jeans and a pair of comfortable sneakers. He picks a random bunch of flowers for his date: a bouquet of yellow, white, pink, and purple blooms, whose names he didn't know, plucked on the sly when he thought that the caretaker wouldn’t notice or care. With a spring in his step, he nearly skips towards their meeting place: a stone bench that sat underneath the cherry blossom tree which overlooked the lake. Masaki's heart skips a beat as he spots his date who had been patiently waiting for him to arrive. His date was dressed in rather tomboyish clothes, but that was okay, since Masaki knew his date had never really been into dresses and frills and lace-- girly stuff that most girls naturally liked, except perhaps, for accessories-- especially rings. If anything, his date was dressed pretty much like him: in a plain shirt, jeans and a pair of sneakers. With a wide smile plastered on his face, Masaki breaks into a run and surprises his date with a hug from behind.

"Oi, what the hell?!" his date squeaks in surprise

"I'm here, Jun!" Masaki smiles, pulling away to face Jun and handing him the bouquet he had gathered earlier.

"You're late!" Jun grins, taking the flowers as Masaki bends down to meet Jun's lips in a kiss...  
...

"Jun!"

Masaki wakes up with a start, his ears ringing from the shrill beep of his alarm clock. It was 6 AM on a Thursday morning and Masaki was beginning to have a sick feeling about his dream. The giddiness that he felt was something he couldn't fake no matter how much he tried to wrap his head around it. Thinking back, he wondered if the previous day's conversation about getting dates had somehow wormed its way into his dream, and although he couldn't figure it out, he knew in his gut that the joy he felt in his dream wasn't about having a date, but rather, his date.  
School suddenly looked less appealing to the eldest Aiba, and it had taken a while before Masaki noticed his mother's voice calling him out for breakfast.

******  
Thursday was turning out to be an ordeal for both Jun and Masaki who had dragged themselves to school in their sleep-deprived state. Both were strangely quiet and carried themselves with a somber air, lost in an endless loop of worries as they struggled to pay attention to both their friends and professors as the day stretched on endlessly. Sho, being the newcomer, felt vaguely uneasy with the sudden change in demeanor of his newfound friends, but felt that it wasn’t his place to confront them since he hadn’t known them long enough. Kazunari, on the other hand, studied them contemplatively; his sharp eyes catching the slight puffiness in Jun eyes, and the worried glances that Masaki kept giving his best friend. It was when Masaki was at his most quiet that Kazunari knew something had been eating him up from the inside. Masaki had barely said three words since first period and had been unusually self-aware throughout the whole day, while Jun appeared to cope by feigning laughter and giving smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Although he was pretty certain that the two were still on good terms, Kazunari noticed that both had been very careful to avoid eye-contact with each other.

  
“Kazu?” Sho tapped Kazunari on the shoulder, keeping his voice low lest he be heard by either Jun or Masaki.

“Dunno either” Kazunari confirmed with a shrug, looking vexed.

“Do you think they fought?”

Kazunari shook his head, “Jun’s aggressive when they fight. He may be nice, but he doesn’t pull punches; Masaki’s no different. I’ve seen them fight before, but they make up almost instantly each time.”

“Do you think we ought to try to get them to talk about it?”

“No use. I’ve been trying to weasel it out of them since this morning. They’re pretty guarded today.” Kazunari sighed.

“What’s up with those two?” Becky suddenly appeared, plopping down the vacant chair beside Sho.

“No idea.” Kazunari replied. “Wanna give it a try?”

“Eh, why not? Masaki’s looking like a kicked puppy and Jun looks a bit like he’d been crying” Becky frowned.

“Good luck, and tell us if you find out anything.”

Becky nodded, setting her lips on a thin line as she turned and walked decidedly towards the pair.  
Masaki looked up at Becky uncertainly, his gloomy demeanor turning pleasant and welcoming in a split second. Kazunari watched from a distance, his frown deepening as he noted Masaki’s sudden change in attitude and the look on Jun’s face as it turned from surprise to hurt before settling into one of his neutral smiles, all in the span of a few seconds. Jun suddenly turned to look towards Kazunari’s direction, a flash of panic in his eyes as their gazes met; knowing well enough what the other had seen. Jun suddenly stood, mumbling incoherent apologies to the pair as he excused himself and walked briskly away from the pair and from where Sho and Kazunari were sitting.

“What do you think just happened?” Sho asked, fiddling nervously with his notebook.  
Kazunari just shook his head, lost in thought as he puzzled over the brief incident. There were three things he needed to find out, and the third had more to do with him than his friends. For now, Kazunari decided to give Jun some space, and wondered whether or not he should fill Sho in on what just happened.  
  
****

The scene played in Jun’s head like a bad dream that looped endlessly. He watched Masaki’s expression change from quiet and contemplative to warm and welcoming at Becky’s approach, and he saw Kazu’s sharp eyes trained on him, seeing right through him like he always did. Jun sighed as he looked glumly at the bare, whitewashed walls of his room and its dusty ceiling, wishing that there was an easy way to shake off his sadness and go back to a time when he wasn’t aware of his attraction to his best friend. Now that he had some space to himself, Jun thought back to all the times he’d been attracted to men, and discovered that it had been there all along. It wasn’t until today that he was able to admit this to himself and knowing it made him all the more fearful of what was to come. Jun found himself hyperventilating; his heart thundering against his ribcage and his body quivering as he fought to regain control. A sudden knock on his bedroom door caused Jun to jump from his bed, and a few seconds later his mother’s head peeked in, her curiosity turning into alarm as she rushed to her son’s bedside and pulled Jun’s shaking body into her arms.

“Jun! Jun, are you okay?!” Mrs. Matsumoto whispered, pressing her palm against Jun’s forehead

“M-mom…”

“You’re shaking! What happened?”

“S’ nothing…” Jun whispered quietly, “I’m going to be okay.”

“You don’t just fall into these fits for “nothing”, Jun…” His mother replied, pulling Jun down to sit on the bed, and pressing his forehead against her chest and combing her fingers through his hair in soothing motions.

“I just…”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Jun shook his head silently.

“Anytime you want to, I’m here to listen, Jun…” His mother replied in soothing tones, cradling Jun until his shaking subsided. “I love you, you know? I love you very much.”

“Thank you…” Jun replied, unaware of the tears that slid down his cheek

“You’re my son,” his mother wiped the tears away with her fingers, “What is it? Are you being bullied?”

“No…” Jun whispered, a wistful smile on his face, “I’m not being bullied… It’s okay, mom. I’m going to be fine.” Jun reassured his mother, before she got any more suspicious and started digging around where she wasn’t supposed to.

“Are you sure?” Jun’s mother replied, looking doubtful.  
Jun nodded as his mother reluctantly let go of her son.

“I’ll be down for dinner later. I just need to be alone right now.”

“If you say so…” his mother stood up, knowing how stubborn her son can be when he decided to keep secrets.

Jun watched silently as his mother left the room, feeling a numbness settle over him as tendrils of frost snaked its fingers around his heart. For the first time in his young life, Jun felt well and truly alone.

***

Masaki was feeling panicked and unsettled as soon as Jun stood up and excused himself. He noticed the telltale signs of Jun’s tears and had been meaning to ask his best friend what he seemed so sad about.

  
Masaki arrived at school, his stomach in knots and unsure of how he was supposed to act around Jun. More than twice during the day, he had caught himself fantasizing about how he would put his arms around Jun and kiss the tears away—or heck, just kissing him would do. He told himself that it was wrong, and that he should probably be kissing girls like Becky, although he was sure Becky would punch him if tried to do that. He had been self-conscious the whole day and hyperaware of his proximity to Jun that he wasn’t able to trust himself around his friend. For all he knew, he might end up actually kissing Jun, and while the idea was starting to sound better the more he thought about it, he wasn’t quite sure how Jun would react… Other than that, Masaki was also deeply afraid of losing Jun, and of his best friend being disgusted of him for liking boys. Masaki sighed, wishing there was a way out of this problem without losing all of his friends…

“…Oi!” Becky snapped her fingers in front of Masaki

“Uh… sorry…” Masaki apologized, “What were you saying?”

Becky sighed, “Never mind. I wanted to talk to the two of you, but it seems Jun has things to do…”

Masaki nodded

“So, are you two okay? You’re not fighting, are you?”

“We’re not fighting.” Masaki confirmed

“What’s wrong with Jun?”

Masaki shrugged, “I don’t know…”

Masaki looked at Becky contemplatively, wondering if he’d be able to like her the way he liked Jun if he just tried hard enough.

“So, Becky…”

“Yeah?”

“If you don’t have anything to do, there’s an ice cream shop nearby. Would you like to have some with me?”

Becky quirked her brows, “You’re asking me out on a date?”

“Y-yeah, maybe…”

“What do you mean, “Maybe?” Becky hit him lightly on the head.

“Masaki…” Becky sighed disapprovingly as a mother would to her errant child, “Your friend is upset and the first thing you do is ask me out on a date?”  
Masaki remained quiet, his cheerful mask gradually wearing off as the seconds passed

“I’m sorry, Becky…” came the mumbled apology as Masaki curled himself into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, his eyes cast downwards.

“What’s wrong?” Becky looked worried

Masaki hugged his knees closer to his chest as he began rocking himself unsteadily…

“… I want you to promise not to yell at me after I tell you…”

“Masaki…”

“You’re a very nice person, and I know that I can trust you, and I’d be very sad if you decided not to be my friend anymore…”

“What is it? Did something bad happen?”

Masaki hesitated, refusing to meet Becky’s eyes, “Maybe it’s bad. I don’t know…”

“Masaki, Aiba!” Becky was now seriously worried

Taking a deep breath, Masaki willed himself to look into Becky’s eyes

“I like Jun” came the whispered reply

“What do you mean you… I mean, of course you do! Wait… Oh.” Becky sat down, shocked and unsure of what to make about Masaki’s confession.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Masaki sighed

Becky’s brows knitted in confusion as she tried to process the information. Though she certainly knew it wasn’t normal, beneath her doubt, a huge part of her was convinced that it was neither wrong nor bad to like someone, even if they happened to have the same thing between their legs.

“No it’s not” Becky replied after a few moments, her expression resolute.

“You’re not just saying that because you’re my friend, are you?”

“No, I’m not… It’s not… normal,” Becky shrugged, “but it’s not bad,” she decided.

“Thank you, Becky… And, um, please don’t tell Kazu and the others about it.”

“I won’t.” Becky replied, looking contemplatively at the pair of eyes watching them from a distance. She knew that the two would be looking to her for some information, but for once she decided that it was Masaki’s secret to tell, and that she admittedly didn’t know how they would take the news. Vaguely, she wondered if Jun might be going through the same thing, too.

***

Friday morning came with a sense of relief for Jun. He slept rather fitfully the night before, waking up with knots in his stomach, only to fall back into vague dreams and nightmares that haunted him in his sleep. At least the weekend came after and he wouldn’t have to face his friends for at least two days while he figured out what he needed to do next. Suddenly, being a shut-in didn’t look so bad…

****  
Kazunari studied his friends, noting how both were acting a little less like themselves and how an air of sadness seemed to hover around the two of them. Kazunari’s suspicions only grew stronger when Becky refused to tell him what Masaki had confessed.

_Is it up to me, then?_ Kazunari thought

“Ne, Kazu…” Sho interrupted

“Huh?”

“I… I have something to tell you, but I can’t tell you right now. Can we meet somewhere after class?”

“Hmm? But we usually play video games over at my house on Fridays…”

Sho bit his lip and scratched his head

“Well, I don’t think these two will notice if we went somewhere for a few minutes,” Kazunari gave in, wondering if Sho had been agitated about the same thing all along.

“Oh! Ok… I’ll say we’re going to buy some food from the vending machines.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s good enough.” Kazunari replied; surprised at how fast Sho was able to think of an excuse.

They detoured into a relatively empty hallway on the way to the vending machines. As soon as they were within a safe distance, and well out of prying eyes and ears, Sho stopped in his tracks and looked at Kazu.

“Look, I know it’s going to sound strange, okay?” Sho began in a quiet murmur, “but just listen to me, and please don’t get angry at what I’m about to say…”  
Kazunari nodded, looking expectantly at their new friend.

“I know I’ve only known Masaki and Jun for a few days, and but even I can tell that something’s wrong with the two of them”

“You got that part right…”

“I… I don’t know, but I think it’s when we started talking about girls that they both… turned a little …strange?” Sho sighed, “Anyway, what I’m really trying to say is that, I think Jun might like Masaki that way”

Kazunari nodded, “I was thinking the same thing…”

“Do you think we should confront them about it?”

“I don’t know… I don’t think so. Not yet, anyway…” Kazunari replied, “What would you do if Jun did like Masaki that way?”

“I don’t know…”

“Do you think it’s bad?” Kazunari wondered out loud

Sho paused for a long time before replying. “I think Jun’s a good person. I think … I think it shouldn’t matter if he likes Masaki. I don’t think it’s wrong, but I’m not sure how Masaki feels about him.”

  
Kazunari nodded thoughtfully, “I don’t know if Masaki knows… maybe it wouldn’t be a strange coincidence, since they’ve known each other since they were 6 or something.”

“Haven’t you also known them since childhood?”

“Yes,” Kazunari reflected, “I suppose it was natural for Masaki to be protective of Jun, but I’ve always thought of it as something like brotherly affection…”

“Wait… I was thinking that Jun liked Masaki. Are you saying that it might actually be mutual?”

“Well, I have known them since childhood, which is why I know when Masaki is wearing one of his nervous smiles.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Masaki gets this look on his face when he’s about to give someone—or one of his pets, a bear hug and he’s been acting that way around Jun; only he’s also aware of it and he’s managed to restrain himself. Basically, he’s been a nervous wreck the whole day, and Jun’s been depressed about something. I only got a clue about it when Becky came into the picture.”

“… So it might actually be a good thing”  
Kazunari sighed as he pushed the coins into the machine and punched several buttons to dispense a can of soda

“It could be, but… I think it’s scary. I know not everyone here would understand… maybe those girls who love yaoi would love it, but…”

“Bullies…” Sho concluded

Kazunari nodded, “I would defend them, of course…”

“So would I.” Sho decided, adding a few more coins into the slots to get Jun and Masaki’s drinks.

***

The air was choked with tension as Jun and Masaki began spending the past few minutes in silence, unable to even look at each other as they both wondered when Kazu and Sho would come back with their drinks. Jun’s heart drummed loudly in his chest as the minutes stretched out infinitely; his hands, cold and clammy, fumbled with the hem of his shirt as he tried to decide between running as fast and as far as he can, and confessing his feelings for Masaki.

  
_Why am I like this?_ Jun thought desperately, wanting to laugh and cry at the absurdity of it all

“J-Jun? H-hey, Jun…” a familiar voice broke through Jun’s mounting hysteria.

Inevitably, Jun looked up to acknowledge the voice, his breath catching in his throat as he found himself staring into Masaki’s eyes. The world froze and everything slowed down to that single moment. Pupils dilated, pulses quickened, and blood rushed to color their cheeks a warm pink. An unspoken understanding dawned on both boys, and suddenly, the world seemed a happier, and yet, scarier place all at once…

“H-hey…” Jun replied, unable to help the goofy smile that painted his features.

“N-nothing… ahaha…” Masaki replied, flustered and just as obviously happy as his friend.

An awkward silence settled once more as Jun exhaled shakily, both boys looking quickly away from each other as Masaki dug his hands in his pockets and Jun resumed fumbling with his shirt.

Why was it so hard to act normally around his friend all of a sudden? Masaki wondered

_No, ok… let’s try again,_ Masaki thought _… What was I supposed to tell him again?_

Sho and Kazunari returned with their drinks on hand, looking strangely at the pair and trying to figure out just what had gone on in their absence.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Sho nudged his friend quietly as he stared curiously at the two

“If the smiles on their faces are any indication…”

“They probably don’t even know that they’re smiling” Sho mused

“Hey, your drinks are here.” Kazu broke the fragile silence as he casually plopped down beside Jun, while Sho sat beside Masaki.

“O-oh, thank you!”

***

Four boys entered Kazunari’s house carrying with them the distinct smells of sharpened pencils, chalk dust and musty old schoolbooks that mingled with the summer sun, sweat, and asphalt. The short train ride had been particularly tiresome, with the rush hour crowd pressing against them from all sides and packing them tighter than a can of sardines. Kazunari’s mother had been warm and welcoming as they arrived and greeted the boys with a platter of sandwiches and glasses of orange juice. Friday was video game day, and it was a ritual she knew all too well. Despite the general mess that ensued in Kazunari’s bedroom (which she would then nag her son to tidy up) she was glad for the fact that Kazunari was at home, rather than getting mixed up with trouble outside like some of the neighborhood boys. Like Jun, Masaki and Kazunari’s mother had also known each other for a long time, thanks to that common playground which the neighborhood shared. A surprised smile painted her features as she saw not three, but four boys entering her house.

“Ah, it seems like I need to make more sandwiches!” She smiled as Sho entered the house and began taking off his shoes.

“Good Afternoon!” Jun, Sho, and Masaki greeted Kazu’s mother

“Good Afternoon.” She smiled back, “You must be Kazu’s new friend.”

“Hi mom!” Kazu gave his mother a peck on the cheek, “this is Sho, he’s our new classmate”

“Aren’t you cute?” She smiled, “Anyway, will you be staying over for dinner, too?”

“Aah… th-thank you,” Sho blushed, “I will have to ask my dad about that”

“I see. How about you, Jun? Masaki?”

“If it’s okay with you, Mrs. Ninomiya…” Jun smiled shyly

“Of course, dear…”

The atmosphere inside Kazu’s cramped room was somewhat strained as all four boys tried to ignore the elephant in the room. Sho and Kazu wondered if confronting their friends would be the right thing to do at this point in time, while Masaki and Jun both tried (and failed) to act normally around each other. Having run out of ideas, Sho reluctantly grabbed the spare controller and played Street Fighter with Kazunari who wiped the floor with his ass each time. Jun and Masaki sat quietly at the back, both nervous and giddy, as they feigned interest and pretended to be amused at Sho’s frustration and Kazunari’s whoops of victory after winning each round.

“One more round! I swear I’ll beat you this time!” Sho whined

“Handsome fighters never lose!” Kazunari declared

“We’ll see about that! One more!”

Jun giggled, his shoulder brushing against Masaki’s by accident. The touch felt electric and Jun suddenly jerked back, turning his head just in time to see Masaki do the same. This time, out of instinct, Jun dared himself to look into Masaki’s eyes to confirm if what he saw earlier wasn’t just a trick played by his imagination. Masaki did the same, his lips parting slightly as he exhaled a nervous breath. The two seemed to have retreated into a world of their own once again, until Kazunari’s voice broke the spell and snapped them out of their reverie.

“Hey! Which one of you wants to try to beat me?”

“Yeah, sure I’ll beat you!” Jun replied, a nervous grin plastered on his face as he moved to take Sho’s place while the other boy joined Masaki and plopped down Kazu’s bed.

***  
For the weeks that followed, Masaki and Jun moved to the beat of this awkward dance. Their days were filled with stolen glances, secret smiles, accidental brushes of skin, and—if they were feeling brave—indirect kisses through shared straws or glasses. Not quite a couple, but slightly more than best friends; back to normal to the rest of the world, save for Kazunari and Sho who knew what was going on but pretended not to (at least until they figured out what to do about it.) They’d each go home, giddy and full of hope and spend nights on the phone, talking about anything under the sun, but unable to say what truly mattered. They went to bed excited and dreaming about the possibilities. It went on like this for weeks and months until one day it all got too tiring and despair slowly started taking root…

_How long does it have to be like this...?_ Jun wondered, staring vacantly at the field where a group of students from the track club trained in preparation for the sports festival.

Masaki mirrored Jun’s contemplative face as he absentmindedly pulled at the blades of grass. He knows that the attraction is mutual, but as much as he would like to take it further, the fear of being too starkly different from everybody else was too real, and besides, it would mean involving Jun and the last thing he really wanted was to see this really important person get hurt.

“So… I guess I’ll be going home now” Jun smiled wistfully as he stood up

“So soon? Are you that eager to do homework?” Kazunari asked

“No… I just have a lot to think about, I guess” Jun replied

“Are you all right?” Masaki asked, his sadness mirrored in Jun’s eyes

“Yeah, I’m ok. Don’t worry.”

“Stay safe...” Sho replied, unable to think of the right words to say.

***

The months dragged on into years, until they were finally in their second year of high school. Jun’s hair had grown past his chin, framing his face in loose curls streaked with blonde highlights; his acne getting worse much to his dismay, while Masaki had grown taller and had filled out slightly. Jun had also grown surly and had earned himself a reputation for being the school’s resident ‘bad boy’ (although he had never broken a single school rule in his life,) which, to his exasperation, has made him popular among girls who’d throw themselves at him or who would steal glances from afar. Masaki meanwhile, had grown quieter; less of the bubbly person he once was, but still as sweet and as helpful, and just as popular among girls who prefer to be with the ‘sweet and adorable’ Masaki, and those who would try to befriend him to get to Jun. Jun would try to control his jealous impulses and do his best not to lash out at his female admirers, while Masaki seemed about as nice and accommodating to anyone who approached him. Deep inside, Masaki felt defeated, and he knew that Jun was struggling to accept that they simply couldn’t be together; not the way they wanted, at least not for now.

  
There were days when it all got too much for Jun who had the sinking feeling that Masaki had given up on him

_…On us, not just me,_ Jun thought, _maybe I ought to give up too…_ he bit his lip, trying to ignore the tightening in his chest and the stinging in his eyes as he slung his schoolbag behind his shoulder, walking alone towards the park and reclining on the carpet of grass that overlooked an empty baseball field where they used to play as children. Jun rested his head on his forearm, crossing his leg as he stared vacantly at the cloudless blue sky, filling his mind with plans and schemes to distract him from the one thing he dreaded to face...

  
“So this is where you go…” Masaki’s face appeared suddenly as the taller boy sat cross legged beside Jun.

“Mm…” Jun nodded, barely acknowledging Masaki’s presence; a tired sigh escaping his lips as he brushed his bangs back with his free hand.

“Jun… Are you mad?” Masaki quietly asked; his sad, downturned eyes threatening to spill rivers.

Jun glanced up listlessly, looking at his friend’s face and wondering if he was.

“…I don’t know”

“Because I think I can’t take it if you started hating me.” Masaki’s voice trembled as the first tear slid down his cheek.

Jun felt his own eyes welling up as he looked at his friend, “Why?” He wondered out loud, the question not really directed at Masaki.

“Jun…”

“Why is everything so hard?”

Masaki wept, wiping off the tears that slid relentlessly down his cheeks with his sleeves as he tried his best to muffle the sobs which came in small hiccups  
“I tried not liking you, you know?” Jun’s voice came out in a harsh whisper, “but I just couldn’t… I try not to be jealous of the girls who throw themselves at you, but it doesn’t work.”

Masaki laughed wryly through his tears, “I tried liking girls, too… but I don’t really like them that way. Besides, some of them come to me because they want to get close to you.”

“Oh.”

The two shared a cathartic moment, sitting in silence as they watched the baseball field gradually getting filled by people on an afternoon jog and by the baseball club who were getting ready for their afternoon practice…

“So what do we do now?” Jun asked, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy

“I don’t know”

“Do you think that if we go to college, and when we start working we’ll just forget about each other?”

Masaki reached out and twined his fingers around Jun’s, “No,” he shook his head, grasping tightly, “I know I won’t. I don’t want to.”

“Do you think this is just a phase?” Jun asked, his grip on Masaki’s wrist just as strong, “It would be easy for us to be… normal, don’t you think?”

“I wouldn’t know yet… I don’t think I’ll ever be normal anyway.” Masaki’s voice somber, “…Do you want to forget about me?”

Jun shook his head. No, it would be too painful.

“Do you think we should tell Kazu and Sho?” Masaki wondered, too tired to care about strange stolen glances as he threaded his fingers through Jun’s locks and lazily played with Jun’s hair.

“I think they already know…”

“How?”

“Nothing escapes Kazunari,” Jun shrugged

“What about Sho?”

“I think Sho knows, too”

“Should we say something?”

“I guess we’d better…”

“So…are you my… are we… um…?”

“No! N-not really? I-I don’t know… Maybe?” Jun blushed

Masaki smiled, “You’re cute!”

“Shut up!” Jun mumbled as Masaki giggled softly

***

Kazunari quietly observed his friends from afar, leaving Sho to study at the library by himself.

_Well, it looks like they’ve managed to work things out…_ Kazunari smirked, quietly relieved as he turned to walk towards the train station on his way home, (and afterwards trying to shake off images of his friends making out…)

_Stupid imagination…_

Little did he know, however, that Masaki had bent down, pretending to whisper into Jun’s ear, only to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek…

***

  
“So… we have something to tell you.” Jun began nervously as Masaki stood next to him, fiddling with the pockets of his jeans. Kazunari’s small room was unusually quiet that afternoon as Kazunari, Sho, Masaki, and Jun sat cross legged on the floor amid the boxes of video games and unfinished manga lying around; missing the usual cheers and jeers that came with video game Fridays as the background music looped on.

Kazunari successfully feigned a poker face while Sho looked expectantly as though he knew what the two were going to say; both choosing to hold their tongues until their friends had managed to deliver the news.

“We…” Masaki looked down, unable to meet Kazunari’s eyes as he began his confession, “Jun and I, we like each other. I love him.” He mumbled quietly

“I hope you don’t hate us…” Jun added, expecting the worst.

Kazunari exhaled loudly and Sho merely blinked and nodded; somewhat relieved that the big moment was over. Though they had been expecting it, the actual announcement had still caught them off-guard and neither of them had actually thought about what to say, or how they would react.

“We’ve known for a while.” Kazunari replied, breaking the tense silence

Jun slowly looked up, daring himself to face his friends

Kazunari mustered an awkward smile that was genuine, nonetheless.

“And we don’t hate you.” Sho added, “We just didn’t know what to say, for the longest time”

Relief washed over Jun and Masaki at their friends’ acceptance, and Masaki, being the soft-hearted crybaby that he was, began sobbing.

“Thank you!” Masaki sniffed, “We’re still friends, right?”

“Of course, silly!” Kazunari replied, feeling a bit teary-eyed himself, “Just don’t go making out in front of us, or anything like that” he joked

“Thank you.” Jun whispered, wiping off some of his tears as well

“Besides, you’re not the only one who likes guys” Sho confessed, smiling shyly

“You?!” Jun gasped

“When? Who?” Masaki asked

“This spacey upperclassman from the art club” Kazunari supplied

“His name is Satoshi,” Sho added, blushing “I met him in the library; he was drooling over the book he was supposed to be reading”

“And this guy tried drawing to impress him…” Kazunari guffawed, much to Sho’s embarrassment; the mood gradually lightening as they released their pent up tension on Kazunari’s video games…

“They’re not that bad!” Sho retorted defensively

“Have you shown them your drawing of a cow?” Kazunari giggled

“It was a panda, and Satoshi said it was cute!”

“How about you, Kazu?” Masaki asked, “Found anyone special?”

“Yuriko, right?” Jun asked, “The newcomer.”

“Well… “

“I knew it!” Jun grinned, “You’ve been looking at the catcher games in the arcades lately. She likes Hello Kitty, right?”

Kazunari nodded, grinning sheepishly, “She’s actually pretty cool! She borrowed some of my manga and she said she liked them”

“Did she also see how messy your room is?” Masaki asked, looking around “…Oh wait, you cleaned!”

“I bet your mom was happy about that” Jun teased

“Yeah, well…” Kazunari shrugged, “She’ll be coming over tomorrow. Mom likes her too”

“Speaking of which,” Sho interrupted, “Do your parents know?”

Jun sighed nervously, “Not yet…”

Masaki nodded

“How did they take it?”

“Not so well, at first…” Masaki admitted, “Mostly they’re disappointed because they can’t expect any grandchildren from me, but eventually they got okay with it. They’re not entirely happy, especially my dad, but they’re okay. They don’t treat me any differently.” He sighed, the melancholy mood suddenly returning

“Do you plan to tell your mom?” Kazunari asked Jun

“She’ll have to know eventually…” Jun replied quietly, wondering how to best approach the subject and not break his mother’s heart. Jun felt reasonably anxious and somewhat disappointed with himself for being the bearer of bad news. Jun’s mother and sister were the only family he had since his mom’s nasty divorce and it pained him to think that he was bringing shame to his family.

“How about you, Sho?”

Sho shrugged, “Right now, I don’t really care. They’d probably flip out if they found out that their ‘perfect son’ was gay, but at least my sister knows and she doesn’t mind…”

“Sho…”

“Anyway, we’ll both camp out here if our parents throw us out, right?” Sho joked

“Oi, don’t get any ideas…” Kazunari warned

“You can stay in our place,” Masaki offered

Jun and Sho sighed

“Anyway, why don’t we just play for now?” Jun offered, reaching for one of the controllers “I don’t want to think about all this just yet…”

“Of course,” Kazunari agreed, giving Jun’s shoulder a friendly squeeze as he stood and handed Sho the other controller, “I’ll go get the sandwiches”

“I’m coming with you” said Masaki…

***

It was way past his bedtime when Jun finally mustered enough courage to confess to his mom. With his heart drumming hard loudly in his ears, Jun curled his fingers and raised a shaky fist to the door of his mother’s bedroom.

_Now or never… Masaki said he’d wait for me if things don’t work out anyway..._ Jun tried to console himself with the thought, unaware that his mom had already opened the door and was standing in her pajamas, her forefinger clipped between the pages of the paperback novel she had been reading for the past hour or so.

“Jun?”

“M-mom!” Jun jumped back, looking as though he’d seen a ghost

“Is everything okay?” Mrs. Matsumoto looked on curiously, “You look pale.” She frowned, pressing the back of her palm against Jun’s forehead

“I’m not sick, mom…” Jun replied, “I… I just have something to tell you.”

“I guess it must be important if you choose to bug me at this hour,” his mother sighed, letting Jun inside of her room and inserting an old receipt in place of a bookmark as she put her novel aside, sensing her son’s distress.

“So, what has gotten you worked up this bad?” She asked, wondering why her normally surly and uncommunicative son suddenly felt the need to talk.

Jun bit his lip, inhaling deeply and letting it out in one shaky breath as he began to speak…

“I’m not normal…” Jun began as his mother patiently waited for him to continue, “I-I’m not like other boys…”

“Everyone’s a little different…” his mother tried to console him

Jun simply shook his head, “it’s not like that… Mom, I’m gay” the last word uttered in a harsh whisper as tears began to well in Jun’s eyes.

Mrs. Matsumoto sat frozen in shock, unable to say or do anything as she stared at her son with his shoulders hunched, staring at the floor and his fingers curled tightly around her bedspread, while another hand busied itself with wiping away his tears.

“I’m sorry…” Jun whispered as he pushed himself to get up

A set of strong fingers grasped his wrist tightly just as he was about to walk out the door, and Jun found himself being pulled into his mother’s chest, inside his mother’s strong arms.

“Have you forgotten what I told you so many times?” his mother asked, running her fingers through the mess of unruly locks tangled on his head, “I love you, Jun. That won’t change for anything, or anyone, including who you choose to love.”

“Thank you…” Jun sighed in relief, burying his head on his mother’s chest as he returned the embrace.

“…Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you getting some girl pregnant,” his mother remarked after a lengthy pause, laughing softly as she tucked an errant strand behind Jun’s ear.

  
“I guess not…”

“You’ll have plenty of disappointed fans. Your sister’s been selling photos of you to some girls…”

“She what?!”

“Well, I know her allowance isn’t that big and I’ve been wondering where she gets the money to buy all those teen magazines she’s been bringing home lately. Imanaged to wheedle it out of her…”

“Mom…”

“I won’t tell anyone else until you’re ready,” she reassured Jun, “How many people know?”

“My friends and you”

“So Masaki…”

“Masaki is…”

“Oh… You haven’t been doing _anything_ yet, have you?”

Jun blushed, “N-no! Of course not!”

Jun’s mother sighed, “Well, if you do, you promise to stay safe… and not in this house!”

“Mom, that’s embarrassing!”

“Be careful out there,” she kissed Jun’s forehead, “Not everyone is as accepting and I wouldn’t want either of you boys to get hurt”

“Thank you…” Jun yawned, giving his mother a quick peck on the cheek

“Well, I hope that’s it for my share of surprises today. Now let me go and get some sleep.”

“Okay. Goodnight, mom” Jun replied, untangling himself from his mother’s arms as he stood and made his way to his own bedroom. “Oh, and mom..?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, too.”

Jun’s mother smiled as she closed the door behind Jun and turned off the lights to her bedroom.

***

Graduation day came and went with their secrets safe and sound within their small circle of friends. Jun and Masaki had gone to separate universities, with Jun pursuing a career in finance, while Masaki had gone on to become a veterinarian. Years had turned to decades and the four had lost none of the closeness that they shared. Sho’s coming out had been a messier affair and one which only happened after putting some distance between himself and his family. Sho lived with Satoshi, in a shared house somewhere in the countryside where Satoshi was free to create his sculptures and go fishing every now and then. Sho, on the other hand, was making a living as a history teacher and a museum curator. Satoshi’s creations fetched a hefty sum, and both had more than enough to get by. Kazunari had gone on to be part of a gaming development team, and found that he loved creating games as much as he did playing them. He had gone through a string of girls, with an on-and-off affair with Yuriko, and most of his friends had guessed that when both of them were ready to settle down, they’d gladly do it with each other…

***  
Jun heaved the last of the heavy boxes into the barely furnished apartment, plopping down the plastic-covered sofa as he reclined and rested his back. A thin blanket of dust had settled over most of the floor and the sparse furniture within the relatively spacious place that Masaki and Jun had acquired. Trotting over to the fridge, Jun poured himself a glass of water and looked depressingly at the empty egg trays and the trays of ice cubes before closing the door. A buzzing in his pocket told him that there was a text message, and he dearly hoped that it was Masaki, telling him that he was bringing home food.

_On my way home. Have food! Please open the door for me later. I have a surprise!_

Jun smiled, emptying his glass as he washed his hands and began setting the table. Their eating utensils for the past few weeks comprised plastic forks, disposable chopsticks, and paper plates, as neither had enough time to properly sort things out, or to even clean the house while they were busy moving in. A few minutes later, the familiar ding of the doorbell rang, and behind it was Masaki armed with brown paper bags, smelling of his and Jun’s favorite restaurant.

“You bought a lot!” Jun grinned, taking some of the paper bags from Masaki and placing them on the table.

“Enough to last us until lunch tomorrow,” Masaki replied, as he laid out the food on the table. In the last paper bag was a small box of cake from Jun’s favorite shop, topped with a heart-shaped piece of chocolate.

“What’s the occasion?” Jun asked, upon seeing the cake

“Well, we’re together” Masaki smiled, slipping his arms around Jun’s waist and leaning in to press his lips against Jun’s, lingering softly until he found an opening and slipped his tongue inside to deepen the kiss. Jun sighed and melted into the kiss, feeling the day’s stress slip away as he relaxed into Masaki’s arms. “We’re finally, finally together…”

“That’s good enough for me” Jun smiled back, not minding that both of them were tired, dusty, and sweaty from moving boxes and working all day. “I was actually supposed to bring this out for when we’ve finally managed to put all these away, but I guess it won’t hurt to have a little sip tonight.” Jun said, walking over to his bag to retrieve a bottle of wine. “Well, we have a lot of cleaning up to do for the next few days, so I guess we’d better fill up.”

“Yep…” Masaki replied, heading towards the kitchen sink as he washed his hands and surveyed the mess that was currently their apartment.

Piles of boxes still needed to be unpacked and sorted, and they would probably need to make several trips to the grocery for food and additional cleaning supplies, but it was all going to be worth it. The night wore on, leaving the living room somewhat cleaner, and the kitchen neatly sorted out (mostly due to the lack of supplies) with trash bags of soiled rags and paper plates waiting to be picked up the following day.

After a long shower, Masaki and Jun laid tiredly next to each other on the freshly laundered sheets of their new bed, falling asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow and waking up to a chilly autumn morning cuddled in each other’s arms. Their phones buzzed with dinner invitations from their coworkers, a demanding text from Kazunari, wondering when the housewarming party will be, and one from Sho wondering if they would like to adopt one of their puppies for a pet. Deciding to ignore their phones, Jun pulled the blanket over himself and Masaki and opted to sleep in for the day…

END :)

 


End file.
